“O LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up. You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I travel and when I rest at home. You know everything I do. You know what I am going to say even before I say it, LORD. You go before me and follow me. You place your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand! I can never escape from your Spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to heaven, you are there; if I go down to the grave, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me.”
Psalm 139:1-10
Big brother Eli meets Titus for the first time
Titus came along in September of 2017. At that time, Eli was 3 ½. One afternoon, just a few days after Titus’ birth, we were home, and it was time for Eli’s nap (and mine!). Our normal routine was to read a book, and then I would lay with him in his bed and listen to Adventures in Odyssey with him until he fell asleep. And that’s exactly what we did on this particular day. Once I saw that Eli was sleeping, I relocated to my own bed for some much needed rest. I quickly drifted off into a deep sleep.
I was awoken, though, a short time later, by the persistent ringing of my doorbell. Our house is a two story house — all of the bedrooms were on the second floor. When I groggily came out of my bedroom, I saw Eli standing at the bottom of the stairs. He saw me, and said “Mom, that boy wants to talk to you.” He pointed his little index finger toward the back door.
I came down the stairs to find our back door swung wide open, and an older gentleman standing right outside the door. I walked toward the door. He asked me, “Ma’am, is this your son?” “Yes,” I said. He went on to explain that he had found my little three year old around the corner, walking by himself on the sidewalk. I was horrified and terrified. I felt like an awful mom. I was so confused. How could this have happened? I don’t remember much about how the conversation ended… I only knew that I wished I could’ve explained that I had just had a baby, and Eli was napping, and I was resting, and….
The kind man left. Through tears, I started asking questions of Eli — what was he thinking? Why would he leave the house? I was just in my bedroom, why didn’t he come there & look for me? And on and on… Eli was bothered by my crying. He said “mom, I’m going to bed.” And headed up the stairs to his bedroom. I was left at the kitchen table to process ALL that had transpired in a very short time.
As I replayed all that had just happened, a few things came into focus.
- Kids are crazy smart. I knew that I locked the house up before resting, but Eli was still able to get out on his own. Also, part of my normal pre-baby routine was to go to my next door neighbor’s house to let his dog out mid-day. I hardly ever napped before Titus came along. So, when Eli woke up and saw I wasn’t somewhere on the main level of the house, his logical thinking told him I was next door, taking care of Abby (the dog). He went there, because that’s where he thought he would find me. It totally made sense when I thought it through. He wasn’t being naughty or precocious. He was just looking for his mama.
- I’m pretty sure the kind gentleman stranger at my back door was an angel. I had never seen him before, ever. And never since that day either. I am SO THANKFUL for God’s hand of protection on my sweet little boy that afternoon. The whole crazy scenario could have played out so differently, had the wrong person come across Eli first. DIVINE PROTECTION, people. This story is an obvious demonstration of His protection, but I’m convinced that there are many thousands of ways He’s intervening and protecting, and we don’t have any idea of the harm or bad from which we’ve been shielded.
- I cannot control all of the details. I felt the Lord’s reassurance that afternoon — I am not a bad mom. I wasn’t negligent that day. I love my kids fiercely, but I don’t possess any super powers that give me the ability to protect my kids from every harmful or bad thing that will come their way. But, I trust the One who does have control over all the details; the One who sees everyone and everything; the One who even sees into our hearts and souls. Nothing – nothing is hidden from Him. That brings me great comfort. Even in my many shortcomings, my God cares more – and better – for my kids than I ever possibly could.
This idea of not having control over the details has occupied my mind more and more as we watch how the world – our country – our community strive so hard to manage the details.
There is a lot, and I mean A LOT of information to wade through. From political events, news reports, Facebook opinions, government orders — there is so much for us to think about, make decisions about, process… And at some point, I need to stop taking in more information, and lay all of the information at the feet of Jesus. And actually rest. Yes, rest.
But please do not throw out the baby with the bath water people! This post is in no way encouragement to live irresponsibly. God gave us amazing minds, and I believe He really expects us to use them! But neither can we occupy the place of God when it comes to control over the universe – the world – our nation – our homes. There’s a point at which I have to say, “I’ve done all I can do. I’m trusting the King of the Universe.”
He gets the final say.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
*A note on “protection from” & “protection through”… We are not promised smooth sailing on this side of eternity. See John 16:33 “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” We know the end of the story, guys. We are most certainly walking through difficult times. Who are you trusting? In what are you hopeful? Please let it not be your governor, or current president, or future president… Let it not be your doctor, or even your mask. Our God is faithful, unfailing, trustworthy. When (not if) you travel a rough road, may you look to the One who has promised to “never leave you or forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5)
